Healing tension in blended families | News, Sports, Jobs

Dear Annie: My husband has five children from a previous marriage. One was… well, I’ll never say too friendly. The other four thought we were good. But things blew up because of something bad. Now three of his girls won’t talk to me. Which to me is fine. They think I’m too controlling with their father.

But they also take their anger out on their father, they don’t even talk to him. This annoys me more. I would like to tell them that they all have to grow up. It’s not like they’re young. These are grown children with families of their own. My husband says I should quit. But I know he’s so hurt by the way he’s acting. Should I leave it alone or finally tell them to grow up? This is something that will not explode. — Tired of trying

Dear Trial Tired: Wanting to insult your stepdaughters isn’t really a trial. It’s being judgmental and not looking at how your behaviors may have caused their frustration with you and your spouse. You never referred to them as your stepchildren, only your husband’s children. This leads me to believe that you never accepted them.

Instead of telling them to grow up, hold their hand and tell them that you and your spouse would like a relationship with them. If it’s too far with you, at least try to fix their father’s relationship. Also, encourage your husband to reach out to his children and not be so passive, pretending everything is fine.

Dear Annie: My good friend and I were sitting and relaxing on her porch when the guy she had a crush on (they weren’t even dating) walked by. I asked her if I could have something to drink and she said there was soda in the fridge so go help me. I let them out to talk. I leaned into the fridge to reach for the soda, and when I got up and turned around, he was in front of me and he kissed me. I was shocked and horrified. I went outside and he left.

I struggled with what to do and felt it was only right to tell my friend. She confronted him and he told her I gave her a pass. He blamed me, cut off the friendship and tried to make my life miserable. That was over 30 years ago. And no, she never met him. I realized she wasn’t really a friend to begin with if she believed him rather than me. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. — Shocked friend

Dear Shocked Friend: You absolutely did the right thing. Turns out she wasn’t much of a friend in the first place. What that guy did to you was a form of abuse, and she let her feelings for him get in the way of being an empathetic friend to you while you were going through something scary. It seems that the two deserved each other. They should have met!