What do I do if my boyfriend is cheating?

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dear reverend,

I think my boyfriend of 10 years is cheating on me. He disappears late at night, doesn’t come home until two in the morning, and has his phone turned off the entire time he’s gone. When he comes back, he has showered and says he was at his friend’s house. His friend lives far away and gets up very early for work, so I don’t believe his story. He does this at least five, six, seven times a month. He also disappears during the day, turns off his phone and says he was fishing. He won’t let me see his phone. He cheated on me before. I keep asking him if he is cheating and he won’t be honest about it. What should I do?

Debbie Duped (female, 41)

Dear Debbie Duped,

Your boyfriend’s behavior is beyond fishy.

If you’ve had nine and a half wonderful, trouble-free years with this guy, it might be worth giving him the benefit of the doubt. While it’s certainly possible that he’s not cheating on you, the fact that he’s done it before makes me agree with your belief that he’s up to no good. If he is not cheating, his actions are still simply unacceptable.

My question to you is this: why are you staying with someone who treats you so badly?

Either because you’ve been together for so long, or because you don’t think you deserve better. Both ideas are simply unpleasant.

Investing more time in a bad relationship just because it’s already lasted a long time doesn’t make it better. In fact, it may just make things worse. You deserve a relationship based on love and respect as much as anyone else. Period.

Trust and honesty are two foundations of a solid relationship, and you seem to have neither of those things with this guy. Time to cut bait. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Good luck and God bless,

Reverend