We’re 30 years apart in age, but our friendship makes us feel less alone

With so many social activities canceled and public spaces closed, I began volunteering with FriendshipWorks, a nonprofit organization that pairs volunteers with older adults to combats loneliness and isolation. I was instructed to speak to an older adult on the phone as it was currently not safe to visit in person. I thought it sounded like a simple way to do some good in my new neighborhood.

But it turned out to be good for me too. FriendshipWorks aims to address loneliness in older adults, but one third of Americans are singleregardless of age. I know I was, with only a small social circle of family members and friends who grew up in the suburbs.

My match was almost 30 years older than me

My phone calls with my match Carolyn started in September 2020 with small talk and getting to know you questions. I learned that she was approaching her 70th birthday and had moved to Boston nearly 50 years earlier, following some of her older siblings from their home in rural Georgia. Her local brothers had all died since then.

Due to several health challenges, she had difficulty leaving her home and tired easily when she did. Carolyn’s world was getting smaller, and one of her care providers suggested she contact FriendshipWorks to see if they could help.

We didn’t meet in person until June 2021 after talking on the phone weekly for nine months. Soon after that, even though the COVID restrictions were slowly being lifted and I was exploring the city more, my world also started to shrink: my brother, sister-in-law, and newborn nephew moved from Boston to Cleveland shortly after me. the marriage ended unexpectedly. The reality of my move to Boston no longer looked like I imagined it would.

Over time, we became true friends

It was also then that my relationship with Carolyn went from a volunteer opportunity to a genuine friendship. When I felt most adrift, it was terrible to know that we had to wait for our weekly visit. She has always been open about her own losses, sadness and loneliness. It gave me permission to be open about myself. We could easily talk about family, relationships or politics for almost an hour straight without knowing where the time went.

Our unconventional friendship wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t decided to volunteer (and volunteering is a common recommendation to build a social connection). WE more than 30 years apartsince she is 72 and I am 38, we come from different parts of the country and have different religious beliefs and racial backgrounds. But we also have a lot in common; we are dedicated to social justice, we love to laugh, and we deeply value our families.

Now, almost four years after our first phone call, we take slow walks around her neighborhood or sit in her yard to enjoy the sun when the weather permits. Sometimes we color, have lunch together, or do some simple strength training exercises in her living room, putting my personal trainer certification to good use. We fly over photos of my nephew and great-great-niece and her nephews.

Only recently have we started to hug each other at the end of our visits. It was something about meeting for the first time during the mask mandates and my responsibilities as a volunteer that initially it kept us apart. But over time, we let our guard down, embraced each other, and forged a lasting friendship that will benefit us both for years to come.